Descartes, please do not rise from the grave and murder me

• Me:I can't help but gaze wistfully at beautiful phones, which must surely be attached to beautiful people.
• Vael:Likely. As you know, I have an ugly phone, and I am an ugly person. And as you know, people who don't have cell phones don't exist at all.
• Me:iPhone, therefore I am
• Vael:Wow.