It’s a good thing my dad doesn’t drive a DeLorean.

He’s got a shiny red American sports car, so the speedometer reads in mph with km/h underneath. We get onto the 100 km/h highway, and he goes 100 mph. This is equivalent to 160 km/h, which is like an instant loss of your license if you get caught plus a huge fine.

        Neato!

        It’s also time for the Sunday Something! I have two somethings for you this sunday. Both are from Art of Manliness, and this is basically the end of my reading list. I have yet to post the comorbid ADHD and depression article, but all in due time.

        Our Disembodied Selves and the Decline of Empathy: Kids these days are assholes and don’t connect very well to other people. Once upon a time, kids were not like that. In those days, they had to interact with people in person rather than over the internet and that probably has a lot to do with it. Know anybody who forgets sometimes that the Internet has different social rules from meatspace?

        How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a Jerk: Don’t be the person who says yes when they’re secretly screaming no on the inside. It’ll be useful eventually, and everyone can do with some good manners.

        Also goddamnit vossk’s Sadurday. Goddamnit.

        It did, however, add to the realization that few people probably want all the details on how my dog died. So I won’t detail the whole story here on tumblr, because putting it into words will probably only make it worse for me. At any rate, here’s the basic version.

        Our six-year old black lab, Shadow, loved going for rides in the car. She also didn’t get much exercise, and so when she got outside and hadn’t had much exercise recently, she would make us chase her around until she felt like going back inside. The easy solution to this was to unlock the car and let her in, then go inside to grab her leash so she would come inside. It literally never failed, she knew she was about to be brought inside but she still held out hope that we’d go for a drive anyway.

        Yesterday, we were cleaning the house (vacuuming the dog hair, cleaning nose prints off of the windows, etc.) and she got out the front door when I was bringing something out to the garbage. I let her into the van like I’d done a hundred times before, and she hopped right in to wait for a drive. This was sometime before lunch. I even put her leash on the seat so it would be right there for me to bring her in. I threw out the garbage, then went back inside and got distracted cleaning the house.

        Sometime after 4 pm, my mom asked my brother and I if she was with us. We said no, and that we thought she’d been with her. I joked to my brother that she was probably hiding in his closet again, because I spent fifteen minutes scouring the house for her the other day only to find her in there. A few minutes later, my mom yelled down “did you get her out of the car?”

        It was a hot day. Probably 30+ Celsius. You don’t leave anything that can’t get out on its own (babies, pets) in cars in the summer. But we did, because we all assumed she was hanging out inside somewhere.

        It was far too late at that point. The body is to be cremated, and the ashes will be spread in a pet cemetery. We kept her collar. My dad, who hasn’t seen her a whole lot in the past year since he accepted the new job in Ottawa, agreed to gather up her things from our house and take them to his. Hopefully it isn’t painful for him to see her blankets and her food dishes.

        In a weird way, I’m glad that all I had to do was sweep some corners in the basement to finalize it all. You’d be surprised where you find dog hair when you own a dog that sheds.

        She destroyed the blind and drapes for our living room window, which spans the wall there. Something like a thousand dollars worth of damages. That was… Monday.

        While in the van, she chewed through the three seatbelts on the driver’s side, so it’s illegal to drive until we spend at least $300 on the driver’s side seatbelt. $200 for the middle seatbelt, and $100 for the back seatbelt. However all we need are the belts themselves, which could easily be found at a junkyard. So the installation could be far cheaper, or it’s possible we could even do it ourselves. I don’t know what other damage there might be on the inside.

        We were going to spend about $1500 on completing the fencing around our yard so she’d be able to enjoy the backyard without having to be on a leash or a chain. We never finalized the details, and it’s possible we may not bother now.

        But the money doesn’t even matter. She lived with us from six weeks through to six years. She had easily that many more left to go. I still expect her to come running to the door when I come back into the house. I still expect her to lick my face and get me out of bed so she can go out to pee.

        I loved that dog.

I killed the family dog.

My mom says she doesn’t blame me, but I’ll never know for sure.

I’m crying, and I’m shaking.

You ought to know that’s a big deal.

Utopianism Disease

Recently, an epidemic has been clawing its way through our glorious nation of the United Internets of The Web. It began slowly, in an isolated corner of the UItW. But one by one, new cases were discovered, making a clear case for a classification of this contagious new menace to our hearts and minds. Preliminary results are reproduced below, and have been submitted for inclusion in the DSM-V. Researchers around the nation are doing further research as we speak, and it is certain that much more is left to uncover about the disease tentatively titled “Utopianism Disease.” We can only hope that methods of treatment reveal themselves for inclusion in the print release of the DSM-V.

        Utopianism Disease, or UD, has been classified as contagious, as it spreads from those who exhibit the most extreme symptoms to new, impressionable hosts. The symptoms are painted as positive ways to improve quality of life, and the new host seems to realize that they have always been there and put a new level of importance on them. Eventually, the symptoms take over their life, and they too become yet another victim of UD. As the disease progresses, they begin to spread it to their friends and acquaintances. Some even offer the disease to strangers, claiming it will bring enlightenment.

        UD is characterized mainly by abnormalities of emotion and thought. Unlike many traditional diseases, the simple idea of it can spread it to others. No bacteria or germ is involved. It can be spread verbally, or it can be spread through written text. In fact, it can be spread by any form of communication. This is what makes it so terrifyingly effective, and so frightening to contain. No human being can reasonably be detained indefinitely, for the protection of all others. If they need to be guarded, eventually the guards may succumb. Treatment must begin with the worst sufferers and work down to those who hold the idea at arm’s length and avoid further infection.

        Sufferers share no easily defined physical link, and so it must be assumed that no one is immune. No race, gender, or creed is safe. Age does not appear to grant any immunity; however, it seems that young people are especially at risk. This vulnerability makes it even more important than ever to protect our children from online predators. Freedom will only harm them. Glob bless the United Internets of the Web.

        The list of symptoms has not been finalized, as UD seems to manifest in a wide variety of ways. However, a preliminary list follows.

• Excessive introspection, often becoming “lost in thought” - sufferers may find themselves so aware that they are unable to stop themselves from contemplating the deep mysteries of life, or the fact that their eyes are just a little bit too far apart to attract potential mates
• Focusing on self-actualization, at the expense of the steps preceding the tip of Maslow’s widely accepted Hierarchy of Needs
• A desire to manifest change in any way possible - on themselves, their environment, or the people in their lives, they will work towards their ideal state for the things they believe they can change
• Constant feelings of guilt and self-doubt, often traceable back to being too aware of themselves
• A strong belief in the importance of being a “good person” - definitions may vary, but most sufferers will often use phrases like “good person” or “not like everyone else” to describe themselves
• A feeling that they have realized a true inner potential, as if to imply that most people never accomplish such a thing

        It is very important that if you, anyone you know, appears to have any of the above symptoms, you proceed immediately to the highest-paid psychiatric help available in your area. If symptoms have yet to appear, you may still want to consult a well-paid psychiatrist to make sure you have the right medication to keep your family safe. Big Pharma Inc. has promised a vaccine will be available within the next few months, and it is expected to create a full immunity to UD. Waiting lists will soon be available on their website, and it is recommended that you pay by cheque or credit card to make sure you have early access to this life-saving vaccine.

        Glob bless the souls of these poor, poor victims, and long live the glory of the United Internets of the Web.

I love being a leader sometimes. To show people the light and stuff. When I got to my linguistics course, about fifteen minutes early, I saw a lot of people inside and assumed it was another class finishing up, as they run ten minutes apart. I didn’t want to walk into the end of a class and wait for the next one, and there were a few other people outside as well, so we all waited around a bit.

More people showed up, and seeing other people waiting outside, they assumed the same thing as we had and sat around. I realized before very long that it had to be people who’d arrived early for linguistics in there, but out of complacency I waited anyway. A minute or two before class would normally start, I picked up my stuff and walked in the door. One look at the screens up front was all I needed: they simply said “Introduction to Linguistics.”

All I had to do was lean out the door and soberly say “hey guys class is about to start so we should probably make our way in.” It was all I could do to suppress a big, idiotic grin.

Amazing Kingdom of Loathing e-mail

I received this a while ago, but I’d been posting a lot of text so I thought I’d save it for later. Some quality e-mail from the fine folks behind Kingdom of Loathing, for sure. It’s too bad I got stuck in the midst of the endgame changes and can never go back to the game. I encourage you to check it out if you haven’t previously, though.

Dear [username],

        Okay, I’m not good at this kind of thing, but I feel like I have to give it a try. So, here goes:

        I was hanging out the other night, listening to some old mp3s, and I was just overcome with memories of when we used to hang out all the time. Remember? You were an intrepid, fearless adventurer, and I was the free-to-play, fun-and-funny online role-playing game that won your heart. Do you still remember those good times? I can’t stop thinking about them.

        I mean, I know things got kind of messed up at the end, and believe me, I’m sorry. If I could take any of that back, I totally would. And I know people grow and change, and you’re not the same person you were then, but hey – I’ve changed, too! I thought and thought about how to win you back. I figured I’d make you a mix CD, but I couldn’t decide what “our song” was. So I just concentrated on becoming a better game for you, and here’s what I came up with:

        Remember how much fun you used to have with your clan? Alternately, remember how you never joined a clan because you didn’t see the point? Either way, clans now have clan dungeons, group zones where your whole clan can work together. Crawl through sewers to Hobopolis, a vast underground vagrant vacation vista! Slide into the slime tube, and stir-fry sassy slimes!

        I know I wasn’t the prettiest game when we were together, so I had some work done. Almost every interface got an interface-lift. You can even manage most of your inventory via chat commands! I also came up with a way for you to automate most of the things you don’t love about the game, so you can spend more time with the parts you do love.

        Not only that, but there are way more animated .gifs than there were before. Don’t worry; I haven’t lost that low-fi edginess that you love, but I’m a lot easier to play with now.

        You can also have a custom title now, just in case you didn’t feel like I appreciated what made you unique as an individual.

        I should also say

        Haiku Dungeon’s been revamped.

        See what I did there?

        Maybe you quit because you got sick of always adventuring above the water. I admit that seems unlikely, but I fixed that, too – there are a bunch of underwater zones with new food, equipment, mechanics, and challenges.

        And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, trust me. I’m still the silly, clever, deceptively-complex game you fell in love with, only with about 95% more awesome.

        So, I’m just sayin’, if you can find it in your heart to give me another change, I won’t disappoint you.

        If you don’t drop by, I promise I won’t bother you again. I just really felt like we deserved one more try.

        Love,

        The Kingdom of Loathing.

Sunday Something

I’m not sure how many times I’ve link dumped on a sunday, and I’m not sure if I’ll make it a weekly event. But it’s sunday, and this is something, so without further ado, I present several things for your reading pleasure. I’ve been cleaning out my Read It Later list, so for that reason you also get to read the things I’ve picked up over the last couple of months.

First we have a number of Gamasutra articles, beginning with MMOs and moving gradually into the mainstream:

• MMOs: Just a Matter of Time?: A well designed MMO relies not on time spent playing, but rather on spacing out its content and ensuring players come back for more. By enforcing a regular schedule (raids only once a week, or limiting the experience to be gained in a specific period) it creates a mental pattern encouraging the players to come back more often and hopefully spend their spare time away from the grind making friends. Making friends means staying in the game. Staying in the game means making more money. The reality, then, is that no MMO designer wants to limit the time you spend playing their game. They just want to make the game seem more fair, and keep you around for a longer period of time. Why let you play 3000 hours in your first month, when they can limit you to 300 and keep you for ten months?

• Targeted Focus, Broad Audience?: Two design angles for social games that are seemingly at odds with eachother. One method says to target a niche audience, another says to keep your appeal broad and get as many individuals as possible. The question, then, is how to unify the two. Some games might seem pretty niche at first (Frontier Ville, Mafia Wars - how many western or mafia games have you played recently, in comparison to much more popular genres like World War II shooters and sci-fi? Those are also bad examples because two successful and high profile games have recently come out in both of those genres, but hey, I tried), but then have a general enough appeal to get your grandmother playing. Seems like cornering a market is the real key to success.

• Warren Specter on Game Culture in the Mainstream: Warren Spector reminds us that casual gamers are gamers too, and says that gaming will thrive as it enters the mainstream culture much like every new art form before it has. By embracing other types of gamers and expanding gaming’s appeal, we’ll see more and more widespread cultural acceptance, not to mention bring some diversity into the types of games available. Imagine if movies tended to fall in only two categories: the Nintendo family game and the violent and bloody power fantasies. The hope, then, is that with a more diverse audience we’ll have more and more demand for games that fall outside of those groups.

Next, on an entirely different spectrum, we have an article about the future of books. However, there’s a hilarious quote from a man who doesn’t know video games other than them Grand Auto Thefts and Modern Wars, so for that reason it’s the logical follow-up to articles about video games.

• Book Have Many Futures: It’s pretty good timing that this article mentions a gradual transition away from the traditional university textbook, as spending hundreds of dollars on books that are out of date by the time they come into our hands is an incredibly wasteful, expensive, and ultimately unsustainable practice. Not that the textbook publishers have a problem with that. On a broader note, they also discuss the possible avenues for books to pursue in the future. A word of caution, too, on the Kindle vs hardcover books statistic: paperbacks are of course not included in that number, so it’s not like they sold more electronic books than they did physical ones. Personally, I loathe hardcover books, so I wait a year or more if that’s what it takes to get my hands on a paperback. Not just because of price, either, I just hate having huge books that wouldn’t look out of place in a classy library when you take off the jacket.

Moving from books to writing for anime, we have a rant from the writer behind well-known anime like Ergo Proxy, Samurai Champloo, Eureka 7, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, and the biggest one of all - Cowboy Bebop. Then a roundtable discussion on his rant from the wonderful folks at Japanator. Following that is a discussion of the American meaning of the word “otaku.”

• Storywriter Dai Sato is frustrated with Japanese anime: Not much to say about this, honestly, it’s just the story of how this guy is really angry about the state of anime in Japan and how he sees the industry losing much of what made it special and pandering to a rapidly shrinking audience. By catering to existing fans and not seeking to provide new experiences and expand that audience, the anime industry as we know it could very well crash. More on that in the next article.

• Japanator Discusses: Dai Sato rants on the state of anime: Analysis of Dai Sato’s rant, judging it more than a little “butthurt” but admitting he may also have a point. In particular, Brad Rice dishes (hey get it rice dishes) some Serious Business on the industry, which is exactly why he hosts an infrequent podcast called Serious Business with Brad Rice.

• I, Otaku: Identifying as a J-Culture enthusiast: People like to have a label for themselves, if only to explain to other people what exactly they’re interested in. For that reason, otaku has largely become the accepted term for english-speaking fans of anime and pretty much anything Japanese. Some people argue against the use of the term by people who are ignorant of its origins (it’s a derogatory term in Japan), while others happily prance about squealing about how they’re the NUMBAR OEN OTAKU EVAR. The reality, then, is that this is America and we can steal words and adopt them for an entirely different use than they were originally intended. But isn’t that a wonderful thing? I think it is. I think we can be otaku if we want to be.

If you have no idea about my interests, there’s your crash course. Hope you enjoyed something up there!